Distant, Though We Are
by Meranii
Summary: A series of letters between Cloud, Yuffie, Vincent and Aerith five years after their worlds shattered. CxV, VxY, CxA, AU.
1. To Cloud, From Yuffie

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Final Fantasy VII or anything else for that matter. _

DISTANT THOUGH WE ARE 

Cloud,

I don't really know where to start this letter. There are so many words that I could jumble up on this page but none of them would make any sense. This probably won't make any sense either, but you know, since when did I make sense?

There are a million explanations for why we lost touch, and I honestly don't care to go into any of them. It probably had to do with what happened between us, and Vincent, probably, and Aeris. But there was more than that, I think. I think there's a lot to what was never said that will probably never be said that you don't care to think about. Neither do I, anymore.

I think maybe you didn't love me like you told me that night. Damn, that was a long time ago, wasn't it? You probably don't like to think about it anymore, but it happened. I don't think you meant to lie to me, but you did. If you loved me you wouldn't have let me slip out of your grasp. That isn't love. But then again, you were never very good with love, were you?

It wasn't all your fault, our drifting apart…I played a significant role. I was stubborn; I didn't want to apologize to you because I didn't think I was wrong. I'm still stubborn, but now I see that we were both at fault.

I sought for the answers, Cloud. I know you don't think there's an intelligent thought that goes through my head. But it made me restless. I wanted you and yet I couldn't stand the thought of you. I loved you and I hated you. How cliché. But you know what, life is cliché. That's the joy of it.

After I left for Colorado, I tried not to think about it. I tried to put my hand over my stomach and imagine that I was going to start a new life with my baby. I pretended it was Vincent's. I wanted it to be Vincent's. But that didn't change the fact that it wasn't.

Every time I would feel it kick, or feel two heartbeats going at once, or see it's little body on the screen and think, _that's inside me_…I thought of you. I wanted you there holding my hand, not Vincent. There was a part of you that was inside of me, something small and living and thriving that would never go away. I knew that when I would look at that child, I would see you. I would see your icy blue eyes, I would see your stoic expressions, your creamy skin. How could I take that?

I knew something was wrong the day she was born. Vincent wouldn't leave my side, wouldn't let go of my hand, and wouldn't let me see her. "It's alright, Yuffie." He kept saying that over and over even when I asked questions. Pointless questions that every mother asks when she first gives birth. "Where is my baby?" "Is everything alright?" "How does she look?" "Where is she?" I got no answers. I got angry. I thought if you were there, you would have answered me.

But I knew Vincent, and I could see in his eyes that something wasn't right. There was something going on that I didn't know about. They came in and told me an hour later that my little girl had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck three times, and she suffocated at birth.

An hour. A fucking hour is an eternity when you don't know what's happening, only that something isn't right, and you can't see the thing that has been growing inside you for nine months. That baby is a part of you, even though you've never seen it. That baby is your helpless child that you are responsible for, you devote every second to, you protect.

I didn't get to see my little girl until they had cleaned her up, drugged me after I had panicked, and Vincent had received about ten slaps across the face. I blamed him, I blamed myself. I didn't know what to think._ If Cloud were here, this would be different_… But you weren't there. I could have fought fate forever, and that little girl still would have suffocated.

Vincent and I are trying again, two years later. He doesn't want kids, and I know that. He's doing this for me. He wants me to smile again. He wants April 12th to be just another day, not the anniversary of my daughter's death. _He loves me_, Cloud. And I just can't except him.

He's tried so hard to replace you, make me forget about you. There have been so many fights, so many misunderstandings between us, that it makes it hard for me to see the man I fell in love with. Or was I ever in love with Vincent? Sometimes I think I was, what else would have driven me to him the day you pushed me away? But then sometimes, when I'm screaming at him and couldn't care less about his feelings that I constantly trample…I think he was just another way for me to forget about you.

I'm pregnant again, big shocker. I only got pregnant because I wanted him to be happy, and he only wanted this because he thought it would make me happy, so really it's all pointless. I will love this baby because it is my child, but when I see it's raven hair and porcelain skin, I won't see the traits of the man I want to see. This child will not be my daughter that I try so desperately in my hopes to bring back to life. This whole thing is like déjà vu gone terribly wrong.

I left Vincent this morning. I couldn't bear to stay with him anymore; I can't live like that. I can't hurt him anymore. He has taken enough of my shit for a lifetime. I want him to find a woman that will love him for who he is and not because she's trying to replace someone else. I don't deserve him anymore.

I'm coming back home. I don't expect to see you, and I won't come and visit. In fact, it's probably better if we don't speak again. You changed my life with those words you whispered in my ear that night, with the thing you gave me. I am a woman now, Yuffie Kisaragi, and I can move on, I can learn to love again.

I learned that replacing you is not the solution to anything. Forgetting things is only lying to yourself. Memories are sweet as long as you don't read the fine print. I will live my life with no regrets, and look upon the past fondly. And if we do meet…

I'll see you there.

-Yuffie

A/N: I wrote this out of boredom, because my muse was jumping up and down like it was on speed and yet I didn't want to write Secret Garden or Children of the Night…So then it birthed this fic, which is going to be a collection of letters between Yuffie, Vincent, Cloud, and Aerith. So no, this is not a one shot, and yes, I will continue. Please read and review.

_-Mel_


	2. To Yuffie, From Vincent

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Final Fantasy VII or anything else for that matter. _

DISTANT THOUGH WE ARE 

Yuffie,

I should probably just get right into criticizing you for what you've done, yelling at you and telling you I hate you and that I didn't deserve this. But that wouldn't be right. Don't get me wrong, there's no way that I blame myself for losing you. I didn't deserve what you did to me, and I never have. I stayed with you because I love you, even though I've known for a while that you don't love me. Perhaps you never have.

I always knew, or a part of me did, for that matter. I knew it in the way you would never look me in the eye, never kiss me like you meant it. You kissed me like you had to; and that's nothing like being in love.

I've always known I was just your way of coping with what Cloud did, but I tried to push that to the back of my mind. I settled on your false love because I thought you were the only one that could love me for who I was, not what you wanted me to be. But I was horribly wrong. You wanted me to be Cloud, and I was blinded by my love for you so that I did not see that.

When I woke up this morning and didn't feel the warmth of your body next to me, I was not surprised. I had been expecting it, I suppose, since the day I knew what I was compensating for. I was sure that one day you would leave me, but it was sort of at the back of my mind, something I wanted to push out of my thoughts. I kept telling myself, _Yuffie won't leave you. She loves you. **Stop worrying**_ But really, who was I kidding.

I didn't expect you to do it while you were pregnant though. That is the one thing that refuses to leave my mind. That is the one thing that angers me beyond belief. I am not angry that our love was a lie. I am not angry that for two years you used me to help you forget someone else. What angers me is that you were stupid enough to run off when you are five months pregnant.

You left a note by my pillow. Your last words, written sloppily on that small piece of paper, are still swimming through my head.

"I can't do this anymore, Vincent. I can't do this to you, I can't do this to myself, and I can't do this to our child. I'm going home.

I'm sorry.

-Yuffie "

Next to your name, you drew a little heart like we used to do in our notes in highschool. It used to mean nothing, just a mere detail of our friendship, and it disappeared as we got older. The notes you left me on the refrigerator after we moved in together lost that tiny little heart. I thought perhaps you had forgot about it.

But I woke up and there it was, next to your name, on your final note to me.

I noticed you didn't say, "I love you." I didn't expect you to. But it made everything seem all the more real. I think it means that you aren't coming back.

For a few hours this morning, I just walked around in circles in our bedroom, trying to think of what to do now. I searched through the closet, through all your clothes and belongings, but I don't really know what I was looking for. Maybe I just needed to see something of yours, catch your scent on something, to make sure that you had even existed at all.

For a few hours I was angry. I stomped everywhere, slammed doors…I almost even broke down once. I realized I hated you. I realized I couldn't stand you for one more second. I realized that if you came back I would slam your face into the wall.

But would that solve anything? Of course not. It wouldn't give me happiness. It wouldn't give me closure.

I think maybe I'm just better off alone. I always was strong enough by myself as it was. Sometimes all you need is love, and sometimes all you need is to get away from it. Love can make you, or it can break you into a thousand pieces and leave you broken for someone else to sweep up, repair, and break all over again.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, because I know you won't reply. You have no reason to reply. I am no longer a part of your life; you have made it that way. You have run from me to protect me from you, but I think you really just wanted to protect yourself from me and what my love could do.

You don't have to reply to this. You are a free woman now, you are no longer a part of me. I would like to think that this is not goodbye. I would like to think that you will care for our child, and even if we cannot be together, you will let me be there for that child, be a part of its life.

And if you go back to Cloud, and you want him to be the father…I will not lie to you, that will hurt be worse than anything else you could ever say or do. But it is your life, and you are carrying that baby, and though I feel it is a part of me as much as it is a part of you, I want you to do what makes you happy. No matter how much that might hurt me.

I will not chase after you, Yuffie. I will not run to you, I will not catch you and bring you home. You don't need me; that much is apparent. You are going home, to go back to your old memories, or go back into the arms of your past lover.

Perhaps that is what I need as well. I feel that I never quite faced my demons back in California either. There is much unsettled business that was left there when we moved here. But I do not know that I will be going back, but I think I am going to get back in touch with Aeris and maybe even Cloud. We went through so much with them that we ran away from.

Frankly, I'm tired of running away. But I see that you are just getting started.

-Vincent

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I've had a really bad case of writer's block lately. Let's hope this helps work out the kinks! Thank you to all my reviewers, I love you guys.

_-Mel_


	3. To Aeris, From Vincent

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Final Fantasy VII or anything else for that matter._

_DISTANT THOUGH WE ARE_

Aeris,

It's been about five years since we've spoken. I don't know if it was because you didn't wish to speak to me anymore, or if it was Yuffie, or if you just wanted to sever all ties from what happened with the four of us. If one of these is the explanation…I don't blame you.

California was one big mess. I know that. Sometimes I think to myself, "Where would I be if none of it ever happened…?" But what's the use in wondering? It may have fucked up my life considerably, but it made me get the big picture, as well.

We were just a bunch of kids with little dreams. We all just happened to live in the same area and go to the same newly built high school. None of us knew each other. But we lived so close that it was almost inevitable that we got closer, reeled each other in…fell helplessly in love, and got helplessly hurt.

Remember sophomore year? I remember seeing you and Yuffie sitting on top of your desks in Mrs. Triton's Biology class, blowing bubbles through your lips. Gum wasn't allowed. You didn't look like much of a bad girl in your little pink ensembles and that gorgeous chestnut hair.

Not to say that I admired you right away though, because that would be exaggerating. I thought you were some stereotypical snob, whereas I was sure that I would hold strong to a reputation of strong and silent, never telling my secrets to anyone.

Funny how wrong I was.

It took about a week for me to get a knock on my door. I never would have guessed it was the pretty girl from my Biology class with a grin on her face. Your first to me were somewhere around the lines of "Hi! I saw you walking home from school and you live next to me and we're in the same Biology class. I'm Aeris. Want to study?"

I liked you from the start. I was quiet, my dad treated me like shit, and I needed a friend, quite desperately; as much as I still hate to admit that. I let you into my bedroom. I remember sitting there, nervous out of my mind, as you walked around, toying with the scrolls on my wall, the clothes hung haphazardly in my closet. And you would keep chattering all the while, something like, "So have you lived here long? You're not like everybody else. Am I making you uncomfortable?"

You came over everyday after that. I remember wondering why you bothered. At school you would introduce me to all your friends, saying, "This is Vincent! He's really cool and he'll be hanging out with us now!"

I didn't mind you making that decision for me. I only wondered if I would live up to what you made me seem.

About two months into our friendship, you came to my house giggling one day. I knew something had changed, although I hadn't the slightest clue as to what. And thus I was introduced to Cloud, your new boyfriend that you had failed to mention to me. I was excited for you, despite slight jealousy.

You didn't know he would build and then destroy every relationship he was in. You didn't know what he would do to Yuffie, or the fight that would rip the four of us apart, and you certainly didn't know that your heart would never quite have the strength to let him go.

But you didn't last with him the first time, did you? No, I don't think so. Sophomore homecoming, you came to me in tears. He had told you he was tired of you, didn't want to see you anymore. You were all dressed up in that silk blue dress that I accidentally kept stepping on.

So I danced with you for the last dance of the night. I didn't envy Cloud anymore. He and I were friends, but there was always that envy there. He always seemed to get what he wanted. I sat to the side and always watched. I didn't know what I wanted to begin with.

With you against me, crying into the hair you always begged me never to cut…I think I knew what I wanted. Or something like it. I also knew it was something I could never have.

You and Cloud loved each other. Sometimes, no matter how young you are, you fall in love, and hard. And sometimes it never quite lets you go. There will be a part of you that will always love Cloud, as I'm sure you still do. I knew I could never do anything to take that away from you.

There was only that one moment at sophomore homecoming, that last dance, that I ever thought I had a chance with you, at least for a year or so.

And Yuffie took Cloud right from under your nose that year, didn't she? It tore you apart, but you would never let him see that. You never let Yuffie see it, either. You cried so many times when you thought I wasn't looking. I never left your side. I never said anything insulting to either of them, as much as it hurt me to see you hurt.

Then came what happened with Cloud and Yuffie. Everything went horribly downhill from there. It hurts me to even think of it.

The last day I saw you, you had just gotten word that Yuffie and I were moving to California. There were bruises still on my face from his fist, and an ache in my side from where you had pulled me away. You hardly met my eyes, just threw yourself against my chest. You told me to "Please write."

It's taken me five years, but here is your letter.

I can imagine that you are wondering why now, of all times. I suppose there are a lot of reasons that I _didn't_ write; I don't think I had the strength to hear about you, and think about what could have been. I was afraid Cloud might read it, and take it the wrong way, which he could well do with this letter. I was afraid that I would ruin my so-called perfect life with Yuffie if I wrote to you and had to remember all that happened. But honestly, I'm glad I'm doing this.

Yuffie left me this morning. She is going back home, to California. I'm not going after her. I don't know if you will see her, and if you do, I wish you well. I hope that the years have not changed your friendship that was so abruptly forced to end. If you see her, let her know that I love her, and I hope that our baby is well.

I don't think that I will come back to California. And if I do, it won't be to find Yuffie and bring her back. It's past that; I don't have a right to do anything to her anymore.

If I come back, it will be for you. There were so many things I wanted to say for those three years, so many things that I was too afraid to say. When I sat there, listening to you chatter politely and tell me your secrets… I wanted to tell you mine. I wanted you to be the only one to know.

But more than that, I want to tie up all those loose ends. I want to know what really happened, and why. But if you want me to stay out of your life, then tell me so. It will not hurt me. I cannot possibly be any more hurt than I am at this moment in my life.

I would come back for you. You tell me if I should.

-Vincent

_A/N: Thank you to all who have reviewed! Your support is what helps me keep writing. Next chapter should be up soon enough._

_-Mel_


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